Thoughts at 12

Sometimes my memory has become more of a burden than a benefit.

The Day Before the First

Tomorrow's going to be the first day of my major examinations. It's hard to grasp how after eighteen years, and after these two weeks and a half have passed, I can burn my books in a bonfire and it won't matter anymore.

I perhaps shouldn't even be writing up this post right now, but I was reading a few poems preparing for my unseen commentary tomorrow and came across this, which I felt was the perfect and most timely advice quelling my imminent freak-out (cue Chic's Le Freak and replace it with "not chic) before my literature examination.

Introduction to Poetry  By Billy Collins
I ask them to take a poem  and hold it up to the light  like a colour slide
 or press an ear against its hive.
I say drop a mouse into a poem and watch him probe his way out,   or walk inside the poem’s room  and feel the walls for a light switch. 
I want them to waterski   across the surface of a poem  waving at the author’s name on the shore.
 But all they want to do   is tie the poem to a chair with rope   and torture a confession out of it. 
 They begin beating it with a hose   to find out what it really means.

Update

It's been a while since I've updated here. I've been drowned under the rapid surge of the exam sea - there're so many things to do and not enough time to do everything I want to.

This blog post shall just be a short one of the most miscellaneous things:
1) Along with managing school work, revision, uni apps, there's still the dread of finding a prom dress. I think I found one.

2) Just discovered an immense love for frozen watermelons - probably due to my long-term relationship with popsicles and all those sorts of icy stuff. It's really simple as well, just cut your watermelon up into tiny triangles, stick a fork in and put 'em in the freezer for about a day or less. Try it!

Here's me and sister hand-modelling for these on my Instagram. I miss her loads - she recently left us to study in the UK! Despite weekly Skypes, it doesn't feel the same. I have successfully dominated her room though, and have taken on her identity in old PJs and forgotten things she didn't take over there (not in a creepy way)! Can't wait for us to reunite at the end of the year at Christmas.

3) And talking so much about studying, I found I work best when listening to calm music, sipping hot coffee in Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf (I think they know my name already… I've been going way too often) and working on essays to hand in. Here are two playlists which I've made that I like to listen to when my brain is working like a machine - also a good way to relax after!

Have a lovely week! :)

Absence

"I eat flowers because you are what you eat and I want to be beautiful."

Glass Walls and Free Falls

A Couple Leaves their Jobs to Build a House of Windows in the Mountains of West Virginia
found this story online as i was browsing through tumblr and it's probably one of the most perfect places ever. i think it's such a great idea to make something so raw yet so unconventional to capture to full essence of the beauty that surrounds the place... i never knew the west virginia mountains were so breathtaking! and the people who made this... they're so amazing and i'm just gushing on the inside about how original and creative they are - to create something like this and to do what they do in their professions, such interesting individual personalities that gel together so harmoniously.

"so the sunset would never be contained"

do take a look at the above link and the video below. absolutely inspiring!

x

Movie: Hitchcock (2012)

just finished watching "hitchcock", directed by sacha gervasi. 

it's a lovely film, and the colours and lighting of this movie are extremely pretty! 

this show is basically the a story about alfred hitchcock as he set upon his risky decision to film "psycho", which was the film that really established him as a director, in my opinion. to add to this, helen mirren plays his wife, alma reville, and their journey together as a couple really brightens up the plot of this film. 

in a way, i felt it was a very feminist-orientated film, as it really portrayed alma in a very powerful light with her being the rock in alfred's life, and his equal, not less not more. it's a very delightful and balanced relationship, and it was very satisfying to see her as a support for him. the film even ended with the phrase, "he never won an oscar, but in 1979 the american film institute honoured him with its life achievement award. upon accepting it he said, "i share this award, as i have my life, with alma."" - certainly a very beautiful way to end the film. 

just a regular day in the hitchcock household. reville at home in 1974 (phillips halsman/magnum)

from the article mrs alfred hitchcock: the unsung partner

i strongly recommend this movie to all who love film and feminism!

Current Read: Eva Braun

i've always been fascinated with the history of the nazi regime, and to be honest, i decided to take up history as a higher subject mainly because of my large interest pertaining to this subject. 

this is the book i'm currently reading: eva braun, life with hitler by heike b. görtemaker. 

it's really interesting and covers many aspects of the regime, of hitler, and of his relationships which were not very publicised. although many of the things stated in this book are falsifiable and some are assumptions, i like how görtemaker evaluates the different historians and their standpoints, especially their reliability.

the content of the book is rather heavy i must say though, and it isn't an easy read at times (especially when i stay up late and am very dreary the next day). it's got a lot of information and history, which is amazing, and it's not until i really sat down today at tea (i decided to destress by eating my favourite noodles today and reading) that i realised how intricately woven the story is and how eva braun might not have been the submissive naive girl people assume her to be - or the "shadow" of hitler who just comitted suicide with him before the russians invaded in the bunkers.

i shall not go on and on about the history and the book itself, but do try to pick it up if you're interested in history i guess? i strongly recommend it!

p.s: i've become to have the bad habit of sleeping past midnight (i think i'm nocturnal) (i literally die in the morning) (and afternoon) (at night i'm a wild beast) (just kidding i stay up writing this and doing other nonsense)

"i want to be a beautiful corpse, i will take poison." 

- eva braun

\\

what am i supposed to do?

//

let's just go back to the start again

people lost you

but the truth is, 

you lost yourself too.